To Forget

I threw my hair back, cut it off
when you slept in her bed,
when you said you didn’t love me
but you didn’t let me leave
when I begged you

please,
i said.

you told me I was weak
without you-with you,
but you would keep my safe
from the thoughts that continued to throb inside my head
that feared you
that feared me

when you laughed
with your friends about how you loved her,
how you kept me
‘just in case’

You said

it’s okay,
it’s okay,
it would be okay
in the morning,
you would say
each night I laid
on top of your blue sheets
asking you permission
begging you
please

let me leave

but the morning, you said, would come
and it would reset my head.

What the fuck are you so afraid of you?
you asked me that morning,
the morning you said it would be okay

when the pounding of my heart
against my head
was too great this time
to forget,

 

to forget.

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