We Will All Dance

upside-down inside a vase filled with your
water, and when you speak, it will sound
like math, solve for x you will say
as if it has always been that easy, then we dance
and dance with your hair twirled around us
building us up like mummies without tombs,
let us out I will say and I will try to scream it too-
but it sounds like the bubbling of a tea kettle you
left on while you shower, mindless, always
mindless, but we keep dancing even with your hair
suffocating us now, the tea kettle screaming so quietly,
take a deep breath, you say, and we do, again again
until it is redness everywhere like a horizon squinting while
our lungs fill with red, your hair pivoting, bubbling
stops, screaming, fire out, turn off the shower, wet feet,
dripping, a match, slowly, easy, no, quickly- enough.
the redness everywhere with you squinting.

Advertisements

Things Happen

The heat of the summer
got on my bad side,
I was one wrong
word away from
making some haphazard
attempt at ending it all.

And your friends are friends
until you start talking
like you might
drive your car into something.

2 years with him,
neither of us holding our tongues
anymore.
he was growing tired of me
and my off-color remarks
about his fucking around
with somebody else.

It wasn’t his fault
that I couldn’t keep my shit together
but he wasn’t making it
any easier on me either
when he said to me,
I can’t believe I wasted so much of my fucking life on you.

Well,
I spent a lot of my life
letting whoever say
whatever the fuck
they wanted to me,
because I was bad with
confrontation.
but he had kept
threatening to leave
everyday anyway,
so I figured
I would make it easy
on him,
he doesn’t
have to be the “bad guy,”
as he called it.

So I told him to fuck off,
and I guess he did.
I stopped answering his calls,
and not even 24 hours,
he stopped
calling
all together.

It must have been easy
for him
to forget my name,
because boys like him
can do a lot better than a kid like me,
just takes them a little while to realize it.

but for me,
I say a lot of things
I don’t mean,
then deal with the fallout later.
I just needed
to tell some guy to fuck off
to realize that I probably
couldn’t keep on
living my life
the way I was doing it,
in some fucking constant
state of disarray.

Any Type Of Answer

I let you sleep next to me,
keeping you close
only when I wanted you
to be near,
but not letting you
undress a fragment
of my being.

Depraved
in the sense
that I wanted
you crave me –
give into my
carnal desires,
but leave
once the sun touches
my bedroom window.

let my voice
pulsate throughout
your mind, as a reminder
of my absence.

but I wanted
to be unrestricted
from obligations,
like your cousin’s wedding,
“I told you
I didn’t want to meet your family,
listen to me next time.”
and from defining terminology
between you and I,
it’s easier
(for me)
if we don’t,
you know.

Selfishly
taking any offerings of
good intention you dealt out,
only to decide that
this time,
it wasn’t good enough,
try harder next time,
kid.

Clarity
in the most
ironic form
when I begged
for you
to come back.
saying
that I couldn’t do this without you,
you know you’ll regret it
if you go,

but you
knew me better than that,
knowing I wasn’t good at being alone,
just a pathetic kid
who didn’t know
how to take ‘no’
for any type of answer.

Hair

Tied my hair up,
and cut it all off
you said how
fucking dumb of an idea
it was
in the middle of January.

so I said
I’ll let it grow back,
and I did
Uneven,
Unkept.

We had said
that this time
It was different,
but I kept my sweaters on,
pulling them over my head
closing my eyes,
and going to bed alone.

Realized
You
And mostly me
weren’t any different
and I slammed my hands
against the white
plastic table,
Saying
I could’ve sworn
I was trying,
But your words
and the silence between them
dug into me
until I
stayed up until the sun
peaked
thinking how I wasn’t much
of myself anymore,
somebody or something
I thought you wanted.

You didn’t call me
for hours,
saying I ate up too much of your time
Or how my name tasted sour and hers was new and she was funny,
and you didn’t think that I was.

Then you would draw me back,
For a week
Or two
because you thought you loved me,
but thinking wasn’t easy
for me,
So I let you sleep
In my bed
wanting to forget
how cyclic
you and I
had became.

And my insides began to unravel,
realizing how much longer my hair had gotten,
and we hadn’t gotten anywhere
and you slept so easily
through the night
and it seemed nothing bothered you
much at all.